Because I Said So

Challenging authority and why it's important for youth

“Because I said so.”

This phrase is uttered countless times each day by parents worldwide. Parents who are tired of their children asking questions and challenging rules.

Why do I have to clean up my toys?
Why can’t I go outside when it’s dark?
Why can’t I have six donuts for dinner instead of broccoli?

Because I said so!

Is this lazy parenting? Is it a cop-out to slam down the authoritarian gavel and demand that a child follow an expectation without question? Perhaps. But in defense of parents around the world, it’s a very tiring job. And kids ask a lot of questions. And sometimes it’s easier to strong-arm the situation rather than mustering up the required mental strength to explain a complex subject. Because the alternative is this…

You have to pick up your toys because it fosters a sense of responsibility and independence, as well as preventing Mommy’s eye from twitching because there’s too much clutter in this house and I could break an ankle if I step on one of these toy cars in the middle of the night when I get up to change your sister’s diaper.

You can’t go outside when it’s dark because you might get hit by a car, or you might get kidnapped, or you might get bitten by a rabid raccoon because nighttime is when they emerge from the sewers.

You can’t have six donuts for dinner because that’s a ridiculous amount of donuts to eat, even at breakfast time. It will give you a sugar high, and then you will crash and become a monster. Plus, if you have six donuts, your siblings will want six donuts, and then we’ll have to get more donuts, and that sounds utterly exhausting. Plus, broccoli is rich in iron and contains antioxidants, so it will prevent you from getting sick again, which would be nice because these doctor bills are really adding up.

Most of the time, we don’t want to give these long-winded explanations, so we provide a shorter version. “Because I said so.”

I remember disliking this response as a kid. Even in my youth, I wanted to know the reasoning behind rules and expectations. This didn’t go over well at my Catholic school, where being free-spirited was misinterpreted as being rebellious. Okay, maybe I was rebellious, but rarely in a disrespectful way. I merely believed in a system of checks and balances, and didn’t want my teachers wielding excess power simply because they could.

Additionally, I wondered if they truly understood the rationale behind the established rules or if they were blindly enforcing them due to dogmatic traditions. Needless to say, I ended up in the principal’s office a few times. And once or twice, I may have started a harmless uprising while insisting that boys should be allowed to wear hair ties and ponytails just like the girls. Spoiler alert: We lost that battle on paper, but we won a moral victory by displaying solidarity. Plus, the fiasco made the principal smile, so that alone was worth the troubles.

If I were to give a formal review of my childhood, I would give it ten out of ten stars. And my mom deserves endless praise for raising three children with very different personalities. She did a phenomenal job as a parent. Now that I’m a parent myself, I’m making one minor tweak to the job description. When my daughter asks for the reasoning behind a rule or expectation, I do not reply, “Because I said so.” She’s never once heard that phrase. It’s because I want her to challenge authority and ask questions. I believe she’s smart enough to know the truth, even if it’s shocking, scary, or long-winded. Plus, I want her to know that I would never ask her to do something unless there was a good reason behind it. After all, I don’t like rules myself. But sometimes, we must instill a little order to balance out the chaos.

It’s essential and healthy for children to occasionally question authority (or the established rules). For starters, it promotes critical thinking skills. We want to raise a generation of leaders, not kiddos who blindly follow any ridiculous idea. Secondly, when we give them answers they seek, it teaches them about the world around them. Knowledge is empowering. Giving them information helps them grow into the best versions of themselves.

One of my favorite books is by an author named Robert Fulgum. It’s called Maybe, Maybe Not: Second Thoughts from a Secret Life. In it, he mentions the dichotomies and contradictions that exist in our world. He mentions his years as a teacher and how he used to wear two different pins on his jacket. One said, “Trust me, I’m a teacher.” The other said, “Question authority.”

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Thanks for reading.

-Andy Myers

Check out my list of books for more stories about parenting, childhood, and living an inspired life.